• Very intense grief

• Despair and yearning

• Volatile emotional extremes

• Depression symptoms

• Anger and guilt

• Acute waves of grief

• Often repeating a review of the loss experience

This is the time of learning to adjust to your loss, of ups and downs, of good days and days not so good at all as you learn to deal with the grief which is the central focus of your life at this point in time. You’re struggling to come to terms with your loss and the meanings contained within it. You’ll find yourself mentally and emotionally reviewing your relationship with the one who died, and likely dealing with feelings of guilt or regret which can surface at this time.

Your responses to your loss are likely to include the full range of emotions from anger and depression to crushing loneliness – and the sheer intensity of these feelings may surprise and overwhelm you at times as your beliefs, values and even faith are being challenged by the ways in which your whole world has suddenly changed around you.

It’s crucial to your healing that you find safe ways to sort through and express your feelings during this cycle of grief – by activities such as writing out your feelings, talking to somebody you trust, working on a memorial project, and making sure to look after yourself and your own needs.

The physical pain you’re experiencing during this cycle is as real as it gets – it’s not imagined or of no significance – it’s your body reacting to the strength and force of your overwhelming emotions. The heartache you feel is real, and chest pain is common among people suffering from loss, grief and bereavement.

You’ll notice your usual patterns of eating and sleeping have likely changed too. Other things around you seem to be changing as well – often including your social support network of people you’ve relied on before this death happened in your life. Some of them will expect you to feel better sooner than you actually do, and you’re more likely to find the comfort and support you really need among other bereaved folks like yourself – they understand your experience so much better.

The most important thing you need to do during this middle cycle of grief is to allow yourself to experience the pain of your loss, and start to integrate the reality of that loss into your new life of recovery and healing.

As you search and experience your way through this phase pay attention to the marker stones of the journey, and allow yourself to accept that they are part of the path you must travel through your loss, grief and bereavement to find the new health of healing that awaits you down the road.

With Love and Understanding

Ken Matthies

HeartSpun Posts from the Crucible of Experience