One thing that seems certain about the grieving and healing process as time passes is that it’s a process of change for those of us in grief. How the earthquakes of pain we feel in the earlier anniversary days of our grief evolve over time is a perfect example of that process of change.
For instance, last week was the fifth anniversary of my daughter’s death, followed immediately by her birthday. I fully expected to be rocked down to the ground again emotionally on those back to back anniversary days just like in previous years, but that wasn’t the way it happened this time around.
Instead what I discovered was that the pains of anticipation of the anniversary days in the two weeks prior to them were far outweighed by the quietness of heart I actually felt on the days themselves!
I was both blessed and amazed to discover this time around that I was able to use those two days as days of quiet and heartfelt reflection, with long walks and loving talks to my daughter, during which the flow of rich and wonderful memories about her and our life together brought peace to both heart and mind.
To be able to remember and talk openly to her about her death on the first of those anniversary days, and then wish her a happy thirty-second birthday on the next one following was a definite first for me – one which has brought a new and healing perspective to the anniversary days yet to come.
It seems that this year I’ve experienced the first tremors of profound change to the anniversary days of past years – and I welcome these tremors of change with open arms and heart, let me tell you!
As will you, when the earthquakes of grief surrounding your early anniversary years begin to evolve and change – much like mine are doing – into the softness of quietude, reflection, remembrance and long and loving talks with the one you lost.
Anniversary day tremors of change are something to look forward to in your journey of healing from loss, grief and bereavement.
With Love and Understanding,
Ken Matthies
HeartSpun Posts from the Crucible of Experience
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