The death of a child – grown or otherwise – carries a burden of grieving for a parent which exceeds all human boundaries of comprehension or understanding at the time of its happening, and involves enduring a grieving and healing path unique among the losses to be experienced by mankind.
In this Part 3 and the following two posts to this site I share the ongoing story of grieving the death of a grown child – in poetic form – and allow you the readers to experience its journey through grief to find healing. It’s a prayer of my heart that you will be touched and encouraged by its ever growing message of hope as you read all five parts of the story these poems tell.
Her name was Leila Gray (Brennan), a 26 year old helicopter pilot at the time of her death, and she was my own beloved daughter.
This was a poem written in trembling anticipation of the second anniversary of her death, due to arrive in its full fury and force the following day – an experience every grieving person will know to be true.
REALITY
(A Daughter’s Death)
It’s been two years since my daughter’s death
and my heart still feels empty and tight!
I know and accept all the reasons she died
and still – it just doesn’t feel right!
A mechanical failure – a part that broke –
and a shattering plummet to ground!
The reasons make sense – yet the words have teeth,
and I can’t dodge the way that they sound!
The television networks we’re watching these days
are all focused on “reality” shows;
Well I’m sorry to say that these pale in the mists
when you’ve seen your daughter in casket clothes!
You want something “real” that snaps and bites
at the foundations of all you believe?
Your own child’s death is as “real” as it gets
while you deal with the pain – and you grieve!
They say over time that all wounds heal,
and my spirit aches for the words to be true!
I want to believe to the depths of my soul,
yet it’s tough – would it be easy for you?
No one else knows till that fateful day
when their own child is called to the sky,
What a parent endures and struggles to learn
while they fight their emotions – and cry!
So much that is gone – so much that is lost –
and memories are all that is left,
To treasure and enfold in the depths of your heart
while your soul feels alone and bereft!
I was given the gift of words of hope
to quote on her funeral day;
Yet my heart still cries out in awful pain
that I needed to have them to say!
For two years I’ve fought to tuck her away
in the deepest of the depths of my grief!
With unspoken words and unfelt thoughts
I slammed a lid on my disbelief!
But this “reality” talks – she still has her own voice
that whispers with sweetness and light,
That she loves me and wants to do all she can
to comfort and make it all right!
So these tears on my face that flow as I weep
are her gift of healing and love,
As she gently reminds me to let it all go
and remember she still lives – Above!
She says Creator knows all the ways
I’ve chosen to stopper my grief;
And that all the help I ever will need
is contained in my seeds of belief!
Belief that time – while never removed
from the “reality” of my daughter’s death;
Will heal my heart and help me believe
that in heaven I’ll again feel her breath!
© M. Kenneth Matthies
Written in love, pain, and healing,
Dad
August 7, 2004
With Love and Understanding
Ken Matthies
HeartSpun Posts from the Crucible of Experience
For more information about Stages of Grief / Healing your Grief visit http://www.kenmatthies.com
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