An excerpt taken from page 140 of my book entitled I Know You’re Hurting available for purchase at http://www.kenmatthies.com
“It seems on further examination that I’ve been living a double, or maybe it’s been a triple life during this past endless pain-scape of months.
In the first one of them – the deeply hidden, darkly private and personal one you never ever under any circumstances of life or death show anyone – I’m going through all the great stuff I’ve just described on the preceding pages! You know, rough twisty trails, cute snakes and leaking life fluids. Not the prettiest of pictures, or places.
In the second one, I’m a real regular guy by the name of Ken that everyone knows and loves (yeah, sure!), just plugging along in what appears to be a normal everyday life pattern, otherwise known as Living the Façade or Hiding Behind the Mask!
And in this third one I’m the deeply spiritual guy who believes in faith, hope and love…the greatest of these being love! Seriously. This is the level where the real Ken’s heart actually lives and has been fighting what’s rapidly shaping up as the most critically questioning and faith-challenging fight of his entire life.
I mean; I trusted God to keep Leila safe and alive!!!
Although this third life knows without shadow of doubt that God knew what He was doing with Leila, you might say that it’s my first life that keeps yapping and yammering about misplaced trust, doubt, suspicion, you’re crazy to have faith, getting mad, asking all the wrong questions, and definitely coming up with all the wrong answers. Oh Yippee!
So you could actually say that the real war that’s been going on inside me all these merry months has been one populated and dominated by my own personally sponsored angels and demons, so to speak.
Mostly demons I’d say, because they sure as hell (pun intended) have been getting most of the airtime and private broadcasting privileges lately. This is not being a fun war!”
For more ‘Stories of the Grieving Process after a Child Dies’ visit http://www.kenmatthies.com to buy the book and receive a Free Bonus series of 10 audios entitled The Stages of Grief Healing.
With Love and Understanding,
Ken Matthies
HeartSpun Posts from the Crucible of Experience
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