When I walked into the funeral parlor prior to my daughter’s funeral for a private family viewing time, the powerful music and words of Vince Gill’s song “Go Rest High on that Mountain” was playing on the speakers. The poignant words and haunting beauty of this song drove me into a pew at the time, curled up and covered in pain and tears with the harsh reality of her death before me.
The fact that this was also one of the songs I’d chosen to be played at my own funeral someday only served at the time to drive home the truth of the bond – now forever broken, it seemed – which had existed between my daughter and I.
I’ve thought often about those moments of time when these two universes collided – and over the course of my healing time in the years since, have come to see a higher meaning for myself in the music and words of that song and the events which shattered me on that day.
Today, ‘Go Rest High on that Mountain’ speaks to me of two wonderful truths about both of us.
One truth is the vivid memories I have of both her and I perched on bedrock high on the mountain above my home. It was a favored place at the time for the two of us to go for some serious daddy/daughter conversations about important aspects of life. It was also a place which represented a precursor of the pilot she was to become as she stood strong and proud on rocks edge, seeming ready to launch herself into flight with the power of her own stated dreams, visions and goals of achieving it. I remain awestruck with the privilege I was given to witness such moments high on our own personal mountain.
She achieved her goals of flight in her brief lifetime, and flies now with utter abandon and joy among the stars which hang above that mountain – and the bond between us is once again strong in the light of my own healing and acceptance of these simple truths.
The other truth is that high mountains have always spoken to me of much more than mere height. Having climbed a few in my lifetime I’ve been privileged to be able to come to view the world around me from a whole new perspective, one far removed from the narrowness of our tunneled vision on the ground far below.
With the death of my daughter I was faced with having to climb another mountain if I was ever to change my grief-tunneled ground level perspective – this one a mountain of loss, grief and bereavement which over the course of my climb has challenged every belief ever held as truth in my life. Yet I have persisted in my effort because I somehow knew inside my heart that the top of this mountain was where I would find the healing of new perspectives, and once again connect with the spirit of my daughter. This has proven itself to be utterly true.
Today I am able to ‘Go Rest High on that Mountain’ I have climbed, knowing not only the beauty which has gone before me in the form of my daughter but also the new perspective which awaits me when my own time comes for this song to be played, and I go to join her high in the stars above it.
With Love and Understanding,
Ken Matthies
HeartSpun Posts from the Crucible of Experience
For more ‘Stories of the Grieving Process after a Child Dies’ visit http://www.kenmatthies.com to buy the book and receive a Free Bonus series of 10 audios entitled ‘The Stages of Grief Healing’.
• Enjoy this blog post? Get Free updates by email or RSS
• Need help or a consultation? Contact this Expert
• Share this post on your favorite bookmarking site
• Someone you know would like to read this? Email this blog to them
Comments (2)
test comment
in my life. Yet I have persisted in my effort because I somehow knew inside my heart that the top of this mountain was where I would find the healing of new perspectives, and once again connect with the spirit of my daughter. This has proven itself to be utterly true.
Today I am able to ‘Go Rest High on that Mountain’ I have climbed, knowing not only the beauty which has gone before me in the form of my daughter but also the new perspective which awaits me when my own time comes
Yet I have persisted in my effort because I somehow knew inside my heart that the top of this mountain was where I would find the healing of new perspectives, and once again connect with the spirit of my daughter. This has proven itself to be utterly true.
Today I am able to ‘Go Rest High on that Mountain’ I have climbed, knowing not only the beauty which has gone before me in the form of my daughter but also the new perspective which awaits me when my own time comes